The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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