Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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