After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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