Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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