I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
