Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
