Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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