two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
