get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The air was thick with penises
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
