btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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