I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
