we made out on top of his cat.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
