guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
