I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
