Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
