Old men and throwing up are my life now.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
