so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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