I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
