I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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