I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
