you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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