your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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