The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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