Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
