i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
