cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
