Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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