I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
