I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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