Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize