awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
