Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
