Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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