New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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