i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
