...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
