I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
