If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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