It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
