I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
