My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Your dad touched me again.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
