I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The air was thick with penises
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
