Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
