I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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