we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How's work?
Spinning.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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