It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
that is very illegal...i love you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
