forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
