why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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