Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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