Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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