She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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