Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
