Me. At least after what I've been through.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
