i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
