I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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