I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
