A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
