I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
