god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
