Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
