Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
