At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
