were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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