Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
