i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
