Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
